So I am almost positive that I am going to finally kick off the year right and do it for more than 2 weeks. Well, I am gonna give the old college try. I am going to party like it's 2009 tomorrow night and I am going to put on my big girl panties at midnight and try it agin. I am beginning to feel so left out. My two best friends are beginning new relationships. Neither one is desperate, but because they keep trying they keep meeting really great people...I have to try. I know I have 18 months of grad school and a child going to college and another child's senior year and his college and all those adjustments and what ever comes next~but it still lacks something. So let's see where 2010 takes us, OK?
Good times..Good Times
Author: LibraryGirl62 / Labels: weight lossI got to do some really great stuff this weekend...and people took pictures of it. Damn but I hate pictures of myself. I am fat and old and ugly and it just SUCKS! I do all this fun stuff with awesome people and I want no record of it because I cannot stand to see myself. Yes, I know I can fix that, but what do I do in the mean time? well, I smile and act like it doesn't bother me, but it does. If I do get off my ass and begin to fix this situation, the picture of me and the rock star will always have a large woman with fuzzy gray hair in it ...and I don't know who she is...why is she in my picture with the rock star and why does she keep following me?
we believe God wants you to know... ... that you are only as free as you imagine yourself to be.
There is nothing ''out there'' that's holding you down, - you are limiting yourself only with your own imagination. And your greatest limits are not even the ''cannot'' and the ''should not'', but the places where your imagination hasn't yet gone at all. There has never been a better time for you to open your eyes, let the imagination soar and see what more is possible.
got a message that on this day, God wants her to know...... that humans learn only by trial and error, and that includes you.
You've got to live life, not think about it. Step into the midst of things, try and fail and learn and stand up again. The question is not whether you will or will not make mistakes - you will. The question is do you want to learn and grow, or do you want to shrink back and be stuck? Take that step you've been avoiding. You can succeed, or you can get feedback that it didn't work, but in either case you are sure to feel alive.
Do I need a lightening strike? I must get my ass in gear-even messages from facebook know it!
got a message that on this day, God wants her to know...... that you cannot wait anymore.
The moment has finally come. You have no choice. You have to take that step now. Now. Not tomorrow, not in an hour, - Now! If anyone else is reading this, they would be confused. But not you. You know exactly what we mean. Do it. Now.
I can feel the hand of God...on my back, pushing me over the cliff.
got a message that on this day, God wants her to know...... that what you are most afraid of is where your greatest rewards are.
If all you had to do was wish for something and you would have it, life would be pretty boring, wouldn't it? God placed barriers between us and what we want, so we can enjoy interesting and satisfying lives. God hid our biggest rewards behind the highest barriers - our deepest fears. God wants us to face our fears, and hold ground in their presence, and let them go, and that's how we get out biggest rewards. What are you most afraid of? Say it, just start by saying it.
This thing is beginning to creep me out. Is it stalking me????
I read that in a writing prompt today~fear of flying. And I think that is my diagnosis~I am afraid to fly
got a message that on this day, God wants her to know...... that doubt is the greatest gift, - it's the space between two certainties.
Any change on its way from one place of stability to the next one, passes through a period of doubt. Your old perspective has to disintegrate, and doubt comes in for a visit - even if only for a moment, before the new perspective takes root. Doubt is your greatest gift, because from doubt you can go anywhere.
From my Facebook app. How cool on the day i decide to stop doubting myself and go for it!
My son and I are going to try doing Body for Life...YIKES!!! So much protein, very boring, but maybe that will help. He is a little overweight, maybe 20 lbs. It seems that he is surrounded by skinny boys and people telling him how much better he would be at his chosen sport if he only dropped a few pounds. SO I am going to eat better with him. Again...God I hate this merry go round! Why can't I go back 40 years or so and fix it? Oh well, wish me well.....
A couple of friends are going to do a sprint triathlon in August~1/2 mile swim, 8 mile bike, 3.1 mile "run" ~can I do that? I have so much to lose and so little self esteem and I just don't know....but part of me really wants to try. Should I ? It really is tugging at my brain and my soul and my heart...I can hear yes you can, yes you can,yes you can....Should I listen?
Incubus Drive
Sometimes, I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I let the fear
Take the wheel and steer
It's driven me before
And it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal
But lately I'm beginning to find that I
Should be the one behind the wheel
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
I'll be there
So if I decide to waiver my chance to be one of the hive
Will I choose water over wine and hold my own and drive?
It's driven me before
And it seems to be the way that everyone else gets around
But lately I'm beginning to find that
When I drive myself my light is found
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
With open arms and open eyes yeah
...
I have been fat my entire life~except for a brief time in high school/college, when I managed to grab ex. He gave me fifteen years and two kids before leaving to grab a younger, blond, slightly thinner, more bitchy version of me :) But I am not bitter!
During this time, I have tried all kinds of stuff. My fav is Phen Fen. It was the first time in as long as I can remember that food was a non-issue in my life~it just didn't matter if I ate or not. I was so free. I know it killed a few people, but hey...at least it would have been a regular person casket~THAT WAS WRONG AND I AM SORRY!
I can't really say I tried it all. I haven't. The thing is, I know what I need to do. Eat better and exercise. DUH! But that sucks and we all know it. That makes it seem like overeating and watching TV is the cause and not just a symptom. And fat is really just a symptom. A symptom of abuse or depression or boredom or fear or low self esteem or whatever. Fat doesn't cause those things. Those things cause the fat. So shall I address the cause or the symptom. Can you do one without the other? I don't think so. What shall I do???
I have decided to do Weight Watchers Online and blog.
Why Weight Watchers? I have an acquaintance who is world renowned personal trainer. I overheard him say the most effective weight lose tool is journaling. I agree. If you honestly write it all down, it is appalling how much a person can eat and be in denial about it. The shock value alone should make you change your ways. It works for me when I follow the program.
Why online? I can't stand the perky ass people at those meetings~ex fat chicks in flowery polyester with wide stretch belts to show off their new waist~shoot me now. Everyone sits there shaking their heads in agreement like the Kool-Aid drinkers they are and paying for the pleasure of buying overpriced foods and having the weigh-in people silently judge you~don't believe for one second they don't. They do and if they say otherwise~THEY ARE LYING!
Why blog?
In addition to food logs, I will journal my emotions and feelings and ragings and just general all around bitichiness. Cause God knows I will be a bitch. I am not ready for a professional to help me, so I will speak to the Internets and hope someone stumbles across me and we help each other. If not, I will just go it alone.
This is day 1. My brother(age 42) is having a hole drilled in his chest to drain fluid off his enlarged heart tomorrow. He is 100 + pounds overweight, stressed, smokes...Please God, let him live to see tomorrow. You know how you have to hit rock bottom...well, here it is. I have to lose the same 100+. I don't smoke, I don't have NEARLY the stress, but I have different types of baggage I have to let go of in order to make sure someone is not writing the hole-drilled sentence about me. Lets just say I am standing in the line...I am holding the bags, but they are getting heavy and I am really ready to put them down.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)