Dropping My Baggage

That sound you hear, that's the sound of someone realising that sometimes, it's easier to change the world than it is your own life.
www.iwrotethisforyou.me/

Ok, so I have 1 year, 4 months, and 26 days or 514 days until my 50th birthday. 
I want to lose 100 pounds, so that's 1 pound every 5 days, right?  I think I can do that...can't I???  It seems so easy to put it that way. 

So I made my appointment to go to the Dr. for my health care plan's required tests and crap.  So I guess the line has been dawn in the sand-oh that and I hurt my elbow and the Dr.. won't give me anti-inflammatory meds because my blood pressure is so high  might have a stroke...yeah....

So the other day I was just hitting "next blog" on Blogger and the first 9-yes NINE- blogs were all about running. My FB status:

So I am wasting time doing laundry and just hitting random blogs on Blogger...first 9..all RUNNING BLOGS. OK God, I hear ya, but can I WALK first please? My knees would be ever so grateful.

Really?????????

BHJ:
I completely agree with you...but here is my take.
Addiction is addiction. And yes, mine can be tamed by less food and more exercise, it is no less the addiction than yours. Self loathing, self-destructive-ring any bells at all? I have a list of addictions in my family a mile long-the only difference, I don't like alcohol and have never wanted to smoke a crack pipe. I medicate with food-I know it and I know I should do something about it. But just like it has taken family members jail, rehab and losing everything to figure out what to do with alcohol, crack, cocaine and heroin, I am still stumbling down my road to rock bottom. Maybe it will be a heart attack, maybe being unable to climb stairs anymore, maybe a well written word on a total stranger's blog ..I am not sure. But I sure as hell ain't self-accepting my friend...any more than you are.

"If you’re overweight, and especially if you’re obese, I’ve got news for you. The wisdom of the serenity prayer in your case doesn’t point to acceptance. It screams for courage. The courage to change the things you can. If you’re a big huge fat person, looking in the mirror, struggling to inhabit a serene mind to accept yourself, you’re doing it wrong. You’re using more energy trying to dupe yourself into accepting yourself (because you know you don’t) than it would take to run a couple miles. You should be stoking the courage to change the things you can. Burn your book of self affirmations and go burn some fucking calories."
I have been thinking about OA off and on for a year now-and every day for the last week.  Sometimes all your worlds, including the Internet, point you in a direction you know you need to go, but you cannot seem to take that first step.  So I keep seeking affirmation, driving by its house , reading its blog, writing it comments on Facebook, following it on Twitter...but then panicking when it actually calls and I don't pick up the phone or listen to the voice-mail...ok, that was weird even for me!  But you know what I mean.  I can't sit here anymore, but where is my rock bottom?  

Why did the words "pre Diabetic" on a blood screen make me crave sugar?  Just wondering...